I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize