Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
