Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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