"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
