hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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