In the future we'll all be gay
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Randomize
