he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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