"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Randomize
