We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
