last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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