Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
