tell your sister to shave her snatch
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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