she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
