just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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