I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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