with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
