There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
