so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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