Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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