it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
