i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
