I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
