So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
Randomize
