I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize