i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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