last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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