I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
You ruined the universe
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
