I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
