I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Randomize
