i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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