Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
