And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Are we still banned from the library?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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