im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
