bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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