Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
