My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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