Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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