Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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