Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
