She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
