I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
