OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Randomize
