when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
