If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
