So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
