you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
