i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Randomize
