i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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