Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
