i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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