this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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