Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
