I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
