Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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