i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
