I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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