Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I don't deserve a penis
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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