I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
