My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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