You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize