i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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