you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
