well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
