I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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