why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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