What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
