he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
