I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
