so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
