Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
