goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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