So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
