I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
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