There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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