I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He better not be in your backpack
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Holy shit dude........stairs
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
