I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
